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Tuesday, July 26, 2005 back to boonlay
this girl is still reeling frm her far frm satisfactory 2nd day in school that's just passed before her eyes. for sum strange n uncanny reason, she misses work. i miss waking up at more "godly" hours (believe you me, 6 hrs juz does not work 4 me), i miss the friendships tt were forged during tt short span of three mths, i miss doing something that's so related to wad i'd want to do in the future, i miss hafing a steady source of income n surprisingly, i miss sue. sheesh. it seems like all tt has transpired has just vanished into thin air within the snap of one's fingers. suddenly, hafing dinner at 10pm doesnt seem so bad anymore. nor does dragging my feet to toa payoh. at least, its something tt i derive tremendous satisfaction frm, at the end of it. u know, i noe there's a prob whn i look forward 2 the strangest and most ling4 lei4 modules each sem. like last sem, it was French, Social Psy n thank God, BMW. this sem, it's Lit, Journ Prac and BJ until today. It sumhow always works out to be the GEs or the PEs, not the cores. And tt's really a bummer. I just realised hw terribly insane a life of a broadcast journalist is after lecture today. mayb all tt she said was just a big lie to scare us off, bt it just further concretised my decision to stick with print. amphibious yes, i will try. but interest wise-sorry, my allegiance to print is unshakeable at this instance. and suddenly, BJ moves up a few notches on the difficulty scale. n then it hit me. whn i looked thru the syllabus, yr 3 seems so exciting. it beckons. why? simply because we wld haf specialised already. n i wun haf 2 trudge thru modules tt r sumwhat unrelated to my field of work in the future. yes im pretty much sure of whre i want, or at least hope to be many years frm now. tt was the very reason y i came to CS, not law or arts. And, the reason still holds. To compound matters, in the evening, the ante was upped again by the daunting number tt showed up today. overwhelming response was not wad i xpected. its a gd ting 4 the team as a whole i guess. dun ask me y then i feel this way. i guess evryting tt ive previously done was always out of interest, at the own expense of my time n effort. bt nw tt its a module, i feel intimidated n somewhat pressured tt im graded based on sum arbitrary criteria. then, there's exchange. i dun even know wad my 1st choice shld be. Ithaca, San Diego, USC? I dun even know if God wants me to go. evryting seems so hazy rite nw. another item i hope to strike out in my to-do list soon, my single-parents package. its just been too long-drawn. tho i love working on features, its really not fun to be juggling both the responsibility of a student as well as a working adult. of coz there were things 2 thank God for today. like getting ee-lai-nee as my grp member in 221! cldnt be more grateful. haha. :) coffee w oxford ginger at NIE this afternoon. n of coz, the highlight, R driving me hm aft a loooong n shoulder-aching day of lugging 6 textbooks, 1 laptop and stacks of notes. i dunno if he gt the car bcoz he knew hw tired i was or bcoz he happened to try his luck n see if he cld get the car. either way, im thankful! :) *relieved* cant imagine rubbing shoulders with the homebound crowd on the bus n mrt with tt load i was carrying. another eureka moment : i realised tt alot of wad im feeling now, the underlying emotion stems frm fear. fear of the unknown. fear of the challenges tt await me in the coming sem. and at the end of all this, there is only one comfort. tt as Jehovah Rohi, my shepherd, God is going to guide me thru every step of the way, always holding my hand, always being the still small voice. thank you Lord. Gra
left her mark @ 11:01 PM
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the traveller
She :: (fun-loving)(paradoxical)
(unpredictable)(emotional)(impulsive)
(introspective)(determined)(set apart)
Walks for :: God.
Loves :: chocolates.chill-outs.weekly movies.borders.
retro.jazz.travelling.retail therapy.tea.milo peng on sad days.
purple.live bands.fresh flowers.ktv.fine dining.francaise. my journey needs prayers * to just finish this sem well! sometimes it hits me you are as close to God as you choose to be. the tune this is Jesus generation past roads
[x]03.10.04
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